perhaps when you are drinking red wine from a tall glass with a straw it is time to call it a night.
i'm as serious about my hair as jesse from full house.
that is uncle jesse to you, show some respect.
i really wish i had a remote for my computer. its all the way on my bed while im across the hall puking my brains out to enya. not cool.
If we don't get kicked out of this hotel tonight for fucking too loud we're breaking up
I'm gonna have sex with a woman...help
He told me to pick a safe word. I said 'cactus' and he said I wasn't taking this seriously and that I wasn't cut out for s&m.
were trying to schedule when i can give him head in between classes.
I get off at the next exit which doesn't have a shoulder, a guy is riding my ass so I cant stop. I think I got as much puke on his car as on mine.
they sound like some classy girls.
Hey, I don't give them daddy issues, I just take advantage of it. The real bad guy here is American parenting.
Welp, I can cross "making out with a guy in a dress" off my bucket list...
Why can't I come over and snuggle you and make you lick my boots
It might be whiskey, but I view Marge and Homer Simpson as something to strive for
Thank fucking Christ I was not wearing pants or eating chocolate cake last night.
You -do- realize there are other things to talk about than just how different parts of you smell like pussy, right?
No we were too stoned to stop you from wiping the peanut butter all over the car.
Randomize
