Hey, kurt drew a penis on you and wrote my innotals. I had nothing to do a/ that.
My farts woke her up so I pretended to be keep sleeping.
I assumed she put out when I heard her friend call her "dickbutt"
Unfortunately, they didn't pull of their wake and bake plans. Instead, they waked and vomited like a half-retarded giraffe till everyone woke up.
I saw two morbidly obese women get winded after fighting over the last motorized wheelchair at Walmart
These are the moments in life you observe a force greater than us at work
We were making out and then he stopped and said to me, "Your ship is right there, why don't you take your people and just go?"
I wish! That ended in 2001 when we all got collectively band from the Settle Inn. As a group we are also band from social events at the zoo. It's impressive really.
You would think the bank would reward me for getting my account down to 3 cents without overdrafting it.
No more margaritas for you. Also, tequila should be reclassified as a hallucinogen.
So as a result of a tragic manscaping accident I've had to shave all the hair off of my legs. The result is... not great
Are there edibles for sale in the Denver airport because if so bring those to my mouth
Safe to say we should stock up on nipple bandaids ladies
I wrote him a note at the end of the final. I'm hoping I can flirt my way in to an A or B
He stopped in the middle of us fucking so he could turn on lithuanian techno music. And the sad thing is that it was the best sex of my life.
I don't even remember what dignity looks like anymore. I JUST WANTED TO ROAST SOME POTATOES
Randomize
