So I had sex in the woods... it was just as dirty as you'd expect it would be.. and not in a good way.
I love my bros weed
Im gonna hate it in like 20 mins though
LSD in a sugar cube. Dropped it in my whiskey sour and felt like I was rowing a boat.
This is my transition from small talk texts to booty call texts. Coming over?
Quite the smooth talker. There in 5.
What happened with the girl wasn't a gay thing. It was just a mutual respect and want for sex. The guys just weren't there.
Call it what you want. You fucked a girl.
Why is it that when I sustain a serious injury people are more concerned with my level of inebriation than my personal safety?
All I want to do is get high and needlepoint. Fuck your judgement
I CAN FEEL MY HEART BEATING MY WHOLE BODY
It also means I'm watching porn with mario earphones so i can hear. Possibly the best way to mastrabate EVER
Who put the meatball sub on my door handle?
The selfie stick gets 5 stars bc it really added a fun element to my sex tape
Hey, what's a nice way of saying "Why'd you send me a picture of your boobs last night" without seeming ungrateful?
For not being a nurse or a sex worker I have seen an alarming amount of penises.
She's going to jail in a few weeks but she just got a boyfriend. Yet I'm still single as fuck.
Nothing says "Jesus has forgiven your sins" like finding out you're not pregnant on Easter.
Randomize
