That chick was all over your bacon last night, grinding on you, I thought you were going to bang her in the club
Dude it was a lap dance
i think i have reached a jessica simpson level of regret
I saw your purple underwear in the road this morning.
She kept talking about how amazing the banana she had yesterday was. Don't know if it was innuendo, stoned, or just a really amazing banana.
Apparently it is frowned upon to ask the bouncer to stop pointing his flashlight in your face and step back so you can puke....and then do it
its weird that my cat bites every fat chick i bring home. i repeat every fat chick, qhT KINDA FRIEND ARE YOU
This costume is too restrictive. The priest and I cannot get it on while I am wearing it.
Uhm after 8 I don't recall anything. All I know is there's a picture of me playing pong with my grandmother.
I went from naked with lasts nights hookup to Ihop in 6 minutes flat
I think that's a new house record
I'm just opting for alcohol abuse, ramen and cuddling with my dog for now.
Definitely broke my toe and messed up my knee walking back. Drink hitch hiking should never happen again.
I found out that rock climbing and alcohol does not go together. Ask my broken arm.
We were supposed to hurry because the restaurant closed at 9. I ended up giving him a blow job so we had to eat at Arby's instead.
Which one have i been cheating ON and which one have i been cheating WITH if i met them the same night & have been dividing time equally?
Wait, I'm confused. I EMPTIED the bottle? as in consumed it? I'm impressed with myself.
Randomize
