dude, my face is all kinds of fucked up right now. and don't even start with i told you so...
i know he has to tuck it when he gets excited in public and all, but now he is just starting to show off.
My boyfriend woke me up in the middle of the night to have sex with me right before I had sex with another guy in my dream. What a unique sixth sense his penis has.
I'm really tired of your booty call eating my fruity pebbles.
I don't know man, I have to ask my girlfriend if I can borrow my balls from her purse.
She makes him look at her naked pics before she sends them to someone she's actually going to fuck. I think this makes him mayor of the friend zone.
I threw up in the kitchen on the floor and a guy tried cleaning it up with a spoon at a party.
I don't know if you've ever seen a group of 20 year olds reenact a rectal prolapse, but 'majestic' isn't really the word I'd use...
We cuddled after till the morning. Then he woke up sober... and straight.
I woke up this morning with my hand on his dick. That sneaky bastard.
I just need you to appreciate that this is the first time I've ever been cut off and it's at an airport bar in Philly before 1 o'clock in the afternoon.
video games take priority over anything else you can offer me.
I woke up with a twisted ankle and was covered in lube. Not entirely sure what happened last night
I DIDN'T WATCH THE PILLSBURY DOUGH BOY PORN!!!!
Look, road flare archery was agreed on. We both accepted it was a shit idea sober, but did it drunk anyway.
Randomize
