Regardless, you never quit out of your interenet. You left your porn on the living room comp. Then you passed out four feet from the chair with your hand still down your pants. We decided that we should go back to her place instead. Worlds best wingman.
I swear I have "I love assholes" written on my forehead with ink that only guys can see.
I'm pretty sure he jizzed in his pants, and no it wasn't even half as funny as that song.
no one is going to fuck you in a field of bunnies
Just asked the bartender if I could use the register to see my grades.
This is the weirdest negotiation ever.
This is what happens when two people with zero shame try to argue.
I opened up my wallet and it was filled with puke.
I need like a hormone stopper. Or a chastity belt. Or like a lady business alarm that goes off when I'm being too drunk.
We had to leave after he was in the middle of the street yelling "Balls of Steeeeeeeeel!!"
Just saw a dude dressed as captain america driving down the highway. He saluted me.
Hey where the fuck is the rest of my beer? Lets start this day off right
I found pix on her phone of me passed out and her sticking things up my ass. Its over.
I'm on day 4 of clean eating. I call it the "whore by June" program
She made me keep my boots on and say "you're welcome darlin" after every orgasm......so yes it was an awesome night.
I’m vetoing meatball margaritas right out the gate. We can’t have people throwing up again!
Randomize
