i wish my apartment had room service that i didn't have to pay for.
my sombrero is too big for the bathroom
I really want to know why half of my kitchen floor is missing.
you started putting condoms on anything with a point, then you were yelling at the lamp for using your last condom...
Does the blue bra belong to your sister or cousin?
I'm drugging my best friend. I'm like a whole new level of bitch.
I thought he wouldn't talk to me again. You know, what's that saying "why buy the cow when you can fuck it six hours after meeting"
The kid in the park, who was on a leash I might add, looked at us and yelled "stranger danger" before hiding behind his dad
Germany has fetish clubs for everything. We are going to Germany. Germany is our friend.
This feeling I'm having... is it love or a combination of alcoholism and unprotected rough sex
we watched a porno and made a drinking game out of it. best first date ever.
Trust me, dating 38 and 20 year old dudes at the same time is the best. Money plus all of the sex. Finally figured out this relationship thing.
You are the human incarnation of a drinking problem
Well, you started screaming "I dont know you GO AWAY" to your mom when she was holding your hair as you threw up in her garden.
oh man there are to hot chicks wrestling in a pool of maple syrup. ill send you a picture
this is why i will never break up with you
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