im surrounded by empty glasses of chocolate milk WTF
Why am I getting the stink eye from these people? They're acting like BYOB isn't kosher in a laundromat.
Spent 30 minutes in the board meeting trying to figure out where the foul smell was coming from. Thought it was the guy's feet sitting next to me. Then i uncrossed my legs. Turns out it was my vagina. Thank goodness for travel size febreeeze.
you fell asleep spooning with his golden retriever. im not sure if thats more degrading for you or the dog
Second wave of rafting ended in a concussion. Don't worry though, the paramedic says it's still not considered a DUI.
the kid throwing up and laying face down on the deck just asked ME if I'M okay...
So we stayed at his mom's and all got drunk and he and I hooked up in his old bedroom. Then his drunk mom came in and tackled us when we were still naked. Why does this keep happening to me?
He had an extremely smooth butt for a man with such rough hands.
Before he left he told me if his girlfriend ever finds out, she'll take us both to an alley and kill us.
Hey. It's Michael. The guy that had his tongue in your mouth last night. Just wanted to check in with you.
It's official cum is not a great leave in conditioner
You do it and I'll burn these mermaid pants so help me God.
My ex-wife, who I haven't heard from since the divorce, just Amazoned me cherry flavored massage oil and a rainbow caps with the message "Happy Pride". What's the polite response?
This past week everybody of fb either got rings or semen. All I got was Covid.
Enjoy your early 30’s! You’re still young enough to catch a twenty something that can fuck 4 times a day, hot enough to date forty year old penises that can last long enough to give you multiple orgasms
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