I accidentally had phone sex last night
Dear tim. Christina farted and it smells like kid roses.
so i slept on a park bench last night...no hobo
I'm at this poker game and this kid to my left is bragging about all the chicks he hits including a "playboy model" when all of a sudden this 22 guy looks him in the eye and says "ever fuck a 70 woman. The things they can and are willing to do" Next think the whole table is quiet for an hour. That guys my hero...
I stopped understanding conversations unrelated to vodka two vodkas ago.
My boyfriend correctly calculated the time I would be out of alcohol and showed up about four minutes after I'd run out with two bottles of wine. I think this is love.
And they were awkwardly all over each other in a Christian way.
I've got my wine, though it wasnt very good so I threw a sour patch kid in it
Dude she hit me with my own penis and it hurt. I've never been cock slapped but she slapped me with my own cock so it has to be worse.
I JUST SEARCHED GINGER COCK ON TUMBLR AND THEY'RE ALL REALLY WELL HUNG? I'M CRYING. IS THIS HOW GINGERS KEEP REPRODUCING?
WHAT IS WRONG WITH YOU?
Fair warning: I will be throwing corn dogs at you every time I see you this week.
There are condoms rolled onto each bunny ear of the ears I was wearing last night
You know its a good night when ur woken up by the bartender asking you how he ended up at your house
im gonna miss him. and by him, i mean his dick
DID YOU OR DID YOU NOT, PEE IN MY FUCKING TRASHCAN?!
Randomize
