I left when they started reinacting what appeared to be a jerry springer episode
You stole her bday cake and shared it with drunk strangers on the street.
He could list all of the presidents! Every one, and in order!! I was so impressed the least I could do was give him a blow job.
Ah, yes. Making our founding fathers proud.
this is no time to have dignity 4/20 is coming
He passed out on the floor and you kept hitting him in the dick and screaming "hammer of justice".
Everything in my purse is 100% saturated in red wine, which made it challenging to cover up my booze breath with franzia soaked gum
I was pissing in the urinal at the concert and some drunk chick ran in and yelled 'but the lines to fucking long' then ran out with 10 state troopers chasing her... Yeah
You just kept screaming "PLEASE YELL CORNDOG AT HIM. PLEASE. CORNDOG."
We did hand stand push-ups while beer bonging. Its now a thing
You just want to live out all your fuck fantasies with all these girls through me. I know your game. Well played sir.
My body is telling me there was tequila. My pictures say it was Jeff's fault
Alternately I could tell him western classical is just a series of events that had to happen for music to reach the point where Beyoncé was able to pen drunk in love, which is the pinnacle of humanity's artistic achievement thus far
I can't tell if my need for dick is more than my want to strangle him
Its not that hard to understand he's my holiday boyfriend, we ignore each other most of the year except on holidays when I give him head
you said you heard a baby, so i told you to go feed it. you came back 2 hours later with a pizza and when i asked you where the baby went you pointed to the pizza and puked.
Randomize
