a/c is broke at work...just took my panties off at my desk and the janitor saw it...might have a date for later. let you know
dude just tell them you don't wear clothes. they'll understand
I almost hooked up with this girl last night. she had a tattoo of a cardinal next to her cooter. said it reminded her of her grandpa
He said he used to draw on the walls with poop when he was a kid.
YOU'RE HIGH AND AT THE GYM OF COURSE YOU FEEL WEIRD
My thighs feel like glass
do you know how ratchet you have to be to get kicked out of a drag club on Halloween weekend??
I asked if I could borrow some condoms. She referred to herself as "a soup kitchen for whores".
You can't be friends with my side piece. Conflict of interest.
I walked into her room to find her sitting on the end of her bed with her heads in her hands talking to herself. She kept muttering things like "What? How? No. What? I don't --- How?" $10 says she's pregnant.
I'll see to your $10 and raise you $40.
You've got to be fucking kidding me. Do you think "Husband drunkenly pees all over floors" is reasonable grounds for divorce? So pissed off right now.
DO YOU REALIZE HOW AWESOME MY GRANDMA WOULD BE IF SHE GOT HIGH
I didn't know White Castle was open when your sober.
Considering all of my stomach contents ended up in my center console, I'm a bit peckish.
You smell like a steam boat captain.
Whatever your on right now, I want.
So do I get points for screwing my recently single ex boyfriend and then telling him to go fight for his ex back?
Randomize
