She's perfect. Funny, gorgeous, 3 tats, been through a lot, bright. I'm in love.
What do you do when the person in the stall next to you says they're jealous?
Learn some fucking English or leave me alone! "Your" is for something that belongs to you, like 'your herpes'. And "you're" is a contraction for "you are", like "you're not sleeping with me".
Currently bar hopping with 30 Navy SEALS. I know i'm safe but damn its hard to pick up chicks when you feel like a big pussy.
Dude i just want you to know that when i found you half your mustache was already gone. I didn't do it.
It's happening again. I feel like I'm under water and my heart beat matches "Teenage Wasteland"
I'm at a free clinic. Feel like I should cough or sneeze so it's not blatantly obvious I'm getting checked for STI's.
We found you in the middle of the road chucking gravel because "the house was too far away".
I got so stoned last night I thought I was in second grade again
im just going to make a prayer circle of top ramen packets and cheap beer
"YOU ALWAYS BEEN A HOE YOU ALWAYS GONE BE A HOE. THAT'S JUST THE WAY IT'S GONE BE." overheard at temple
My mom just said she had more presents to wrap, so I should "smoke some weed & go back to bed"... She really is Santa Claus
Today's goals: get day drunk then sober up in time for the walking dead tonight.
It's okay that we broke up and all but it's not okay that he still has my Chick-fil-A calendar card. This month is free fries!
I have tasted many bathrooms
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