I got called a slut by a bunch of girls that work at Hooters..wtf is that shit? explain that to me
I wasn't fucked. I was just drunk, because i was still able to walk into the woods and masterbate.
having sex with him was like banging macgyver. he did the most amazing shit with the simplest things
the three of them together have enough kids to fill a barney live audience.
This chick just checked into her walk of shame on Foursquare... I think I'm in love.
and then he tried plucking my nose hairs. lines were crossed.
I wanna get "leaving my dick in charge" drunk.
We sat in his closet and drank four loko out of my camelbak for an hour in the dark. You tell me how my night went.
when he pulled his cock out I told him he'd brought a knife to a sword fight
I have this terrible fear I might accidentally text a pic of my dick to my grandma
I was sleeping pretty good until your cat pooped loudly. I dreamed that a full grown man was pooping on my ear. It startled me.
I don't know what's wrong with me. The guy from bar rescue is making me horny
Sorry I trained your dog in Spanish last night. At least he listens to someone now.
I'M HANGING OUT WITH THE DRUG DEALER UPSTAIRS JUST SO I CAN STEAL HIS WIFI PASSWORD, I HOPE Y'ALL LOVE ME.
I teamed up with my vagina. I compromised his morals and then she corrupted him for good. It’s been a very successful and slutty partnership
Randomize
