can we get nightvision for the apartment?
i'm so bored i'm watching porn for fun. not even jacking off or anything. just watching.
Thats how high i was. The fact that he looked like Seth Rogan was apparently a good thing.
A-plus on my thesis. I deserve the blowjob to end all blowjobs. And I wanna wear a crown while you do it.
Are you in a cab?
I'm close- can you order me a bowl of vodka?
the outcome of this sandwich determines whether or not i do anything else with my day..
Do you have any idea how hard it is to concentrate on legal issues with the ghost of his giant penis in me?
They seemed upset when they walked out and saw a penis in a mouth
Be proud. All I did last night was roll around in my nun costume selling drugs. I love Halloween.
I just threw up in my front yard because my roommate was in the bathroom. Fuck New Years Day.
FYI, announcing your arrival at jail with "Hi,yes, I'm checking in? I believe I've reserved a bed, a 2 night stay this weekend?" is, in fact, frowned upon
I just threw up all of my lunch in the Barnes & Nobles parking lot. Rockbottom tastes like a veggie burger, in case you were wondering.
Just found out the last guy I hooked up with is being held in a federal prison under suspicion of stealing 175k.
woke up between a girl's legs. make your own conclusion.
We were talking about kinky shit, and I suggested a hand job in church.
How'd that go over?
Praise the lord and pass the lotion.
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