it's too hot outside to masturbate.
I just remembered that last night when we tried to walk off the spins you said "pretend i'm your pet dinosaur" so i walked you around on an invisible leash while you made t-rex hissing noises.
Yea...but the guy who is beating me has a ponytail. So actually, I'm the winner here.
This frat boy drinking a forty and wearing a pussy patrol shirt just ran out in front of my car. I should have used less brakes.
Well his aunt was in the next room so we had to be quiet. I felt like i was on an episode of silent library.
Reggie can tackle my bush.
After walking in on us in the living room, he still insisted that he slept in my bed with me afterwards.
of course not. I do my best teaching on a hungover monday. I did the research. im still okay with the direction in which my life is headed.
They conduct scientific research memoirs about what sort of shit happened last night after I ate those cookies.
I may or may not have traded your body to the rodeo's owner for free beer.
For sure shouldn't do homework after beers and joints. Just cited like 3 sentences at the end with (History, 2013)
I just want to be covered in whipped cream and spanked, is that too much to ask?
I swear, I make more use of my creative writing major with sexting than I do with anything else
I literally am filling up a victoria's secret bag with stuff that would give my parents a heart attack to hide in my roommates' room. This is being an adult when parents visit
Swear to god, somebody just drove by with mickey mouse in their passenger seat and he waved at me.
Randomize
