Rosebud was a fucking sled. Gay.
you were chalanging people to drink the "worlds biggest jager bomb" - a VASE of Redbull and a PINT of Jager... is it no wonder you dont remember anything?
theres a difference between trying to make someone happy and letting them fuck you in the ass
Despite what happened tonight, Im still expecting Jesus birthday sex
I have to be home in time to watch my friend on that Lifetime show about having babies. And by friend, I mean the girl I had a lesbian experience with at a party 3 years ago.
So i do have strep. My apologies to the british guy from this weekend. You now have one more reason to hate america
So after he broke the crutches and got us kicked out of McDonalds, we stole a bike and when we got back to the hotel, he jumped out the window into the bushes.
Yeah when he is drunk, he seems to think he is Captain Americas Canadian counterpart, Captain Canuck
By the taste of his semen he isnt vegetarian and therefore lied to me to take me home on a brighter note i stole his fondue set
Can we please start going to the gym before I accidentally kill someone via explosive fat girl pants button accident
Why is there a chocalet milkshake outside our front door?
Alcohol
Successfully put eye drops in while driving with my glasses on. Stoner level: expert
and then I said "oh, I see the price of Plan B has gone up". and the pharmacist looked at me very sadly. I was just trying to make conversation.
Y’all did coke off my Puff The Magic Dragon plate.😂
dude pick up your phone
i cant. im high and theres a wild turkey in my backyard. wouldnt miss this moment for anything
It's OK, I woke up in a drag queen's bed last weekend. It took me forever to get the glitter out of my cleavage.
Randomize
