we were both hunting dick last night. it ended terribly for both of us.
Just so you know, each of my boobs fits perfectly in a martini glass.
So my teacher figured out I made a drinking game out of her lecture. Once my drink was gone she let us out. Happy St. Patricks day class. Your welcome
Well idk about you but my nose is all recovered for the weekend.
Her life is filled with shit luck. Its like mother nature is having her period and just taking it out on her specifically.
If you asked me 10 years ago where I thought I'd be today, I can pretty much guarantee I wouldn't have replied with "buying hemorrhoid cream on Bourbon St at 7am"
I can't let him end my perfect streak. HE USED TO BE FAT
Just got kicked out of two hot tubs. We were naked the second time. So awkward getting out in front of the security guard.
Unfortunately, the Bilbo Baggins adventure side of me that likes to go on adventures appears to be losing to the side of me that likes to smoke weed in the bathtub and watch Workaholics.
He wants to tie me naked and spread out on his table, press a vibrator to my clit and feed me ice cream.
That is my stoner wet dream!
it was her dad's 50th birthday kegger. Within the first 5 minutes I got punched in the ear from an off-duty cop and smoked a joint the size of my vibrator.
oh yeah, and she got boxed-out by said cop. Then her dad turned around and high-fived him for it
She wore her engagement ring the whole time we fucked. I hate her fiancee, so it was cool
I dipped out before he woke up, but I made sure to take the pizza with me.
Update: pile o Coke party starting at approx 4 - 7 and going until 1ish to celebrate our founding fathers and love of cocaine and hatred of everyone\n
I just found a bag of chex mix in my clutch
You were feeding it to the bartender last night
Randomize
