I'm watching harry potter...good thing I already know I'm gay
maybe you should take the dick out of your mouth before you start talking.
i did. i'm using it as a microphone.
listening to techno makes your hand move faster while masterbating
HE had a tribal tattoo tramp stamp, jasmine.
People were autographing me. I'm like the spring break yearbook
Easy for you to say! His first impression of you isn't the drunk girl in a turtle costume who got hit by a car!
Thou shall not celebrate other people's birthdays as if they were thy own
Just saw a tranny in a skimpy captain america costume walking around campus. Going to follow her. You gotta see this
Come get your boy. He's cuddling with a bag of rice on the floor.
Celebrating landing my dream job by watching zombie movies and drinking free booze in the bath. I'm like 90% sure I just won life.
I need to be more functional. That doesn't mean I'm going to drink less, I just need to wake up and shit
People are talking politics and I have had 9 mimosas
Curing hangovers with more alcohol was a great idea for the first five days
This conversation went from me banging other women's husbands to learning about baked goods. If that isn't personal growth I don't know what is.
Everyone else's "needs" are getting in the way of my alcoholism.
Randomize
