Me too. Send a cab. Order food.
Helping a hot freshman girl move in = 2 hours of my life One bottle of cheap vodkas = $10 Watching her do the walk a shame on her first morning away from home = Priceless
It was honestly like he was directing a porno or something. he kept telling different people to grab other people's boobs, it was all very artistic.
Is shaving my mustache contingent on you sleeping over tonight?
there is something about beer and popsicles that make the world go round
he kept opening the car door while we were ON THE HIGHWAY and insisting he could walk. next time i drive my boss home at 3am i'm putting the child lock on
When I took off my jeans he became more excited about my Elmo underwear than sex but to be fair, who can blame him. They're awesome undies.
I just shotgunned a beer and my lipstic didnt BUDGE. MERICUHH
I was looking at the storm clouds during my run and one oddly resembled ur penis
All I ever do is give guys anxiety problems and flaccid penises.
Oh yeah I meant to tell you the Tomb Raider looking girl so crop dusted me on the stairway
Ugh. My life is a never ending cycle of bad decisions and taquitos.
I just talked comic books with a cop. We high-fived as he was running my name.
Proud of you.
We discussed the legality of being a vigilante. I won.
it’s my vagina i can do what i want to
Im 76 percent sure I took a fully clothed shower last night.
Randomize
