dont ever smoke after you drink again... i dont think ive ever seen...or heard of someone throwing up and farting at the same time. that is, if you were farting.
we have a love-hate relationship...we love having sex but hate waking up next to eachother
Just used the D.E.N.N.I.S system successfully.
I woke up in my girlfriends bed with another guy laying next to me. wtf.
Of course it's dangerous. Why else would they hire us after we failed the drug test?
Watching the 1st game of the world cup. I'll drunk dial you at 8:30 to wake you up for work.
They had to restock the bar 3 times before midnight. There is a bridesmaid dress hanging in a tree outside.
We were just talking bout putting on helmets and going fo a car ride just to see how ppl react. I will def fit in here haha
Need your help. Dad's drunk and trying to build a still in the basement.
NM he's asleep in a pile of towels. They need to ease people back into Hockey Night in Canada.
Someone shat in our tub last night. I'm not pointing fingers but you priors make you a prime suspect.
I plan on blacking out and milking a cow
Was banging my ex last night when his roommate walked in... We kept going. #goaheadandwatch
I just drank beer out of an old Vicodin bottle hoping to catch some residue. That's how finals week is going
dude kate found out i cheated and busted in while i was taking a shit. I was cornered, nothing i could do
so drinking tonight?
Be there in 15
So... my daughter's new girlfriend Is the daughter of the girl I dated on and off in college Who ran away because she got pregnant at my house party. My Legitimate daughter Is probably fucking my Illegitimate daughter...
Randomize
