If I die today, promise to let the world know I partied.... oh god did I party
he kept kneeing me like he was playing footsies... only then i realized it was his dick.
I'm inventing beer flavored vodka. This raspberry shit makes me feel like a pussy.
Were betting on little kids falling and racing for a drinking game at the wedding.
Ya bro it was wild. Hey, is latex digestible?
I just wanna be craddled in his arms and spoon fed applesauce..
that's the most romantic thing you've ever said.
you reached into a lemon drop to pull out a lemon of someone else's drink..
we used the fire extinguisher you had been cuddling with to decorate the cop car while they were inside arresting everyone
No talking tonight. Just drinking and puking up memories
OH HAPPY DAYS YOU'RE BOTH GINGERS YOU'LL REPRODUCE YOUR OWN KIND
Like I've never seen her that drunk. She's usually like quiet and doesn't say she'll fuck someone on a futon
Are we in any of the areas with tornados?
Dude, i don't even have pants on yet, it's too early to think about tornadoes.
my mom tried to talk to me about my drinking, i somehow turned it around on her, now shes going to AA and I'm going to the bar.
I just want to sit my fat ass down at McDonald's and never leave
Update: pile o Coke party starting at approx 4 - 7 and going until 1ish to celebrate our founding fathers and love of cocaine and hatred of everyone\n
Randomize