This may sound mean but have u ever just sat in class and look at some of the the people and think how disappointed their parents must be
You know, I never expected to find myself with a roommate who I'd have to ask not to have sex while I'm in the room. And yet, here we are.
Sorry for trying to give you my dresser last night. Are any of the drawers still in your car?
you really cant fit homeless dj into your budget? doubles as charity
Haha keeping the dream alive until Chinese New Year. I'm jobless with stitches in my face.
What does that mean when you have a child masturbating in your dream? Is that weird?
I don't think I'm allowed to have Burger King. What if i just chew for taste and not actually consume. Like a wine connoisseur for fast food
I just spilled a shot of Patron on your mom.. Body shots may be happening. You better get here quick.
Found out my grandpa had two wives and found out I'm eligible for some internships 11/10 would do acid again.
I found you laying in a field of grass near the trail I jog on in the morning like a drunken Bambi.
I'm actually pinning crap for Friendsgiving like a boss right now. These bitches better show up.
Just in case you blacked out, we had sex, you came in me, we need plan B, we fell off your top bunk, broke your roommates chair, i still like you, but i'm in pain and am going to bed
Um that's okay I got up on the table at IHOP and terrorized the entire restaurant for a phone charger after I stole the whip cream from the kitchen and started eating it out the can
Just threw up in a baggy on the airplane. The guys next to me clapped and bought me a jack and coke.
Livin the dream
I just gave a fucking twenty minute blowiob.. I'm a GOOD girlfriend.
Randomize
