don't go back without me... they'll know i'm pooping.
i just woke up and its 10 o'clock and the words "Robbies Fave Restraunt" and written in sharpie above my vage. Help me.
Reason #437 to hate Louisiana: Just went to the public bathroom at work. It was so humid the toilet seat was damp and sticky. Either it's the humidity or I sat in somebody's yesterday piss. I choose to believe the humidity.
we've been at disney 20 seconds and she already got the cops called over
I just febrezed the jizz on my pants and wore them again, gross or eco-friendly?
Eco-friendly.
i bought a pregnancy test with dimes. Is that trashy?
mom just texted me "hawaii ambien". those are like the two things she talks about to keep me interested in spending time with her.
It was an awkward 3some. I took her from behind while he just made out with her.
She looks like a junkie muppet...awful
You were in subway at 3am showing everyone your tan lines
Before I left he insisted on serenading me with a ukalele. I might be a little bit in love
Found my bike today. On top of the garage. I'm not even going to ask myself why.
If we're single and alone together, the fuck angels shall sing upon our nude bodies.
Exactly. Stay back and unsubscribe from her
Do you remember vividly describing the shape and girth of my cock to that girl last night?
Randomize
