he refuses to go down on me anymore when he's high because he thinks my clit piercing stares at him
just went onto Yahoo and the featured article had a picture of one of the Jonas brothers. last two times the featured article was a celebrity's face the headline was "Michael Jackson is Dead" and "Pitchman Billy Mays is Dead" so naturally I got a little excited. Turns out he's just engaged. Who gives a fuck.
it was the least impressive dick i've ever seen... and i've changed babies' diapers.
you know you made some mistakes when your last two boyfriends are both obsessed with women's curling...
I think my penis and your vagina just became best friends last night.
gonna sleep on the stairs... to drunk to keep going up, way to drunk to go down, gonna find a comfy spot right here... its safer that way
at least he lost his v-card with a bang... or should i say the clap.
Apparently one comment in my womens studies class cockblocks yourself for an entire semester.
He ripped off his shirt and tried to give me CPR. That damn bong.
What the fuck is wrong with your family? Why do you have unfrosted pop tarts.
There is no sno cone on earth better than alone naked time. Side note: text when you all are headed home.
i have achieved a new state of being which requires no food or water but is sustained only by coffee and pure, unrelenting rage
look, my penis is an amusement park, and it's closed for maintenance. why can't you just accept that?
In other news, I’ve officially fucked a grandpa.
where the fuck are you? she just tazed two people and we're tripping shrooms...successful first night in new apartment!
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