we just ha sex. he lasted two minutes. i told him to leave because i had class
isnt today saturday?
I wanna get FUCKED up and fail the piss test at my eval so they send me to detox and give me suboxone... Is that bad?
Would it be safe to assume you're the one that left my front door wide open and left yourself a trail of jaeger drops to find your way back?
I asked her politely not to touch my dick
TGIFridays...stall number 1...drunk...send help
I just took the soggiest of beer shits and all i have to eat is shredded cheese and more beer. I need an adult.
So I almost just died there. And we need a new garage door.
So that advice that humming stops you from puking? Yeah no, just puked through my nose.
I am lonely and hungry. I need a girlfriend, but I'd settle for my mom.
One of your snapchats was of you with a 40oz of Mickeys and the caption: "Deep Throat back in her natural habitat"
I may or may not have hooked up with the cop who arrested me.. Or I can cross hooking up with a stripper in a cop outfit off my bucket list.
It was like 10 tiny penises being shoved in my vagina.
It's Scottsdale, it shouldn't be this hard to find drugs.
just had a woman ask me to donate my eggs so that her baby could look like me. don't know whether to get a restraining order or be flattered. thoughts?
Wanna guess where my charger was last night.....in my cooler with my beer. I put it in there because I knew I would never forget my beer.
Randomize
