She might as well just lie down with one of those red "Easy Buttons" next to her
He walked in AS I was cumming. Now even my father knows I'm a squirter.
you kind of just crawled on top of him. that was the point at which i became concerned with how drunk you were.
Using the salt from a pretzel bag for tequila shots. Come over.
last nights episode of shot friends brought to you by polish vodka and flamingo baseball. pickles cure hangovers.
New Halloween costume idea: Frankenstorm. We have three hours. Make it work.
You know what's fun. When your getting a new mattress and you forget you put your vibrator under your old mattress and the moving guy finds it
Okay hun. Well my neighbors haven't called the cops yet so I think we're good. No more burning in the yard.
The date officially concluded on the phrase "Nosh dat vag".
All I'm saying is that any 24 year old guy who sends me a snapchat from the vantage point of his dick with the caption "hiding behind my weiner" is off my list potentially dateable guys.
The three of us were sitting silently in my dining room at 4:30 am, half drunk, eating cold spaghetti and listining to death metal. I need a fucking cigarette.
His baby mama found the pictures of us, she couldn't see my face but she could see my asshole. So I'm safe.
So the door man at the local dispensary started giving me motivational talks about my beard...
Who the fresh hell put 2 pillows a raincoat and a guitar on top of me to keep me warm last night
Nothing kills the mood like opening another guy’s dick pic in bed
Randomize
