She looked kinda like Mario Batali?
he made transformer sounds every time he changed positions. how do you think it went?
woman puking in liquor store parking lot at 9:30 on a tuesday morning = best commute ever.
I'm making a conscious effort to limit my spending at the bars...i wrote "FOR CAB ONLY" on a $20 last night
I'm still amazed at how you managed to puke in every plant on the whole top floor at the mall without a single person noticing and without missing a step.
That's why there are breakfast margaritas.
like a sex slave...but with a better dental insurance plan
Mym mom just came downstairs as I got ghome ans I'm trying to act SO CASUAL as i stabdh here hut icant help bur be like 'girl where's ther Turkey sandwiche s' haahaa
I literally need you to talke care of me soooo9o9oooooo drubj gril makin a sabdwiche. SO far its judst bred and paper towel...
I fell asleep on the table at Denny's. Told the waitress to wake me up when my burger was there.
Nobody is here, I still yelled for someone to make me some toast. That my dear is commitment to doing nothing.
There are very few times i will succumb to laying naked on my bathroom floor. But lastnight is a resonable enough cause.
I've entered the world of uncircumcised penises. It's disgusting.
I made a booty call at 3:30 am on a Monday... I think I just became the ultimate female fuckboy. I don't know whether to be ashamed or get myself a trophy.
I was so high last night I honestly think my tears were medicinal
It was just a hint of nipple. I kept it classy!
Do you even hear yourself?
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