I got a hennah tattoo of my room number on my arm...I love spring break in Mexico!
I'm sitting in front of the mirror eating cereal and pondering how my boobs got so big
Welcome to my life
I puked in the pool and didn't tell them, then they all went swimming. Is it dick to just sit back and enjoy the show?
I took both his daughters virginities. There's no way he won't give me a job
he came within less than a minute of me blowing him. this was our second night hanging out in a row. for an almost 30 year old italian man, he is NOT living up to his country's reputation
Kegstand on crutches, you need to get on my level.
You have my approval. I will dance and throw skittles at your funeral.
I'm like a savant for remembering names I learned while I was drunk. Seriously, I'm three for three. I'm on a roll.
There is a hatefuck that has the destruction level of an atom bomb raging through my viens just aching to vaporize her.
He walked straight into the wall, said "excuse me ma'am" and continued back to his dorm room.
Within the hour, he sent me 8 texts and 4 voice memos. One of the memos was just him whistling for 3 minutes. ...It's official, I attract the crazies.
I have got to stop taking so many uppers and downers simultaneously. My life is a Dali painting.
I'm such a good drunk match marker. You single, you single... Drunk friend meet single boy. BOOM illegitimate baby made!
is telling someone you can be his trophy wife the same as proposing?
You don't know the capacity of my vagina
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