A girl just told me I should smile because I was surrounded by hot girls. I told her that clearly beauty was in the eye of the beholder. And she slapped me!
On Saturday, I sharted on my roommates dog while trying to make it smell my farts. Today I got security clearance to work for one of the most respected and secretive govt agencies in the US
It's the American dream
its not stalking. its research.
I saved him in my fone as special pumba. he was just pumba but then he found me drugs
You litterally reached into some girls shirt, pulled out her tit and yelled whats up with this guy.
it was like fucking the hulk in a smartcar
Took his v-card last night. Yet another experience I didn't expect to have in my thirties.
Is there a nice way to say "I like you, but I hate your dick?"
i forgot beer had calories. that would explain alot.
found her sleeping in the closet. woke her up and she said she was camping.
I just did a sobriety test in a tutu.
It's just my hair. It brings natural happiness. Like goldfish, big boobs, and milkshakes.
Has anyone heard from Jamie or has she actually just been having sex for 48 hours?
Hypothetically speaking of course, is it bad if a cat eats lube?
I think I should write my liver a thank you note. If it had my work ethic, I would be dead now.
Randomize
