now everythime i write "i'm" in my phone my tap9 spells out "i'm-never-drinking-again". It's trying to remind me
Who the hell brings a 6pack to a party. I'm trying to make mistakes.
I woke up with spaghetti in my mouth
dude relax anyone of us could have gotten that girl pregnant
I'm gonna have sex with a woman...help
Guess who just hooked up with the cop that fingerprinted her?
My motherly instincts are overcoming my slutty ones
I had a dream where I was about to fight you but you were dressed like a greek god and had just killed a werewolf with your bare hands
When you finally get laid, I shall make you a trophy out of dildos
somehow this went from sexting to explaining my eating disorder.
Texas awaits me. And all the cocks that live there too.
wearing my old cheerleader outfit to the bar was a great way to get free drinks. i should do this more often
I just want cinnabon and vodka.
Need to use your shower bro.
FWB wearing glitter again?
It’s like she’s marking her territory
THREE MINUTES! THREE MINUTES PAST MIDNIGHT I STSRT HEARING CHRISTMAS MUSIC ON THE OVERHEAD PA SYSTEM!!!
Randomize
