I wish I could punch you in the face.
ppl dont tell me stories about anal. apparently im not a tell-me-stories-about-anal kind of person
I want you to come here and listen to her climax and then tell me how funny you think it is.
I almost had to get my pinky cut off. Wow I'm so happy. We won beer olympics so i didnt hahaha
Basically as long as the fan is pointed at my vagina i can cool off enough to sleep.
My dad just asked Siri to "help me find my daughters dignity."
If you were my daughter, I'd do the same thing.
well, I yelled "the tribe has spoken!" at a boatload of people and then I walked home alone in the pouring rain at 1:30am. karma really is a bitch, yo.
We were sitting in a hot tub debating how drunk we could get by osmosis if we kept spilling our drinks in it. This is what engineering college does to you.
Is it possible to sluttify a hobbit costume? Cause if so, this will be my biggest accomplishment.
I woke up with a thorn in my belly button. A THORN!
No one should ever be so high that they forget the food. That's just...its a violation of God and Nature, of the very laws that we live by!
all night she kept rolling over and mumbling something about wanting an extendable retractable urethra.
he couldn't get a boner so he asked me to sing you shook me all night long to his penis. I think it was weirder that it actually worked
I need all the beers. I want to be holding on to the grass so I don't fall off the earth drunk.
Thus began an intricate shell game of nude cardigan photos
Randomize
