Ana's brother is visiting for the wknd. He came back to our place last night drunk to find me passed out naked it in the shower with the water still running. I was still drunk. We decided it was a good idea to have sex and sleep on the bathroom floor. Woke up this morning spooning and using my towel as a pillow.
20 yrs from now I just want to barge in her house and yell at her kids, "I took ur moms virginity!"
In case you were wondering, my scare crow is wearing your outfit from last night.
We have a tower of vodka coming. OF VODKA
He's dressed as a power ranger handing out cocaine
you tried to fill your inhaler with vodka
Your boyfriend and I are bonding over your giant dick.
I'm not sure drinking my way through west nile virus is the best idea. Oh well, already committed to that plan.
When I tell my children how I survived hurricane Sandy I'll probably leave out the threesome
How many people slept in the bouncy castle last night?
4 guys, 1 girl. Pretty sure were gonna have to pay the cleaning fee
New one-upper goal: I have to shit off the side of a moving train then jump off
he bit THROUGH my nipple
plus side, no need to pay for a piercing.
Btw, how did you break into my room, and why did you decide that covering the mushrooms with a blanket was more secure than a lock on my door?
If you ever get divorced...would you call me??
But you''re still having sex with him. And a hobo convinced you to.
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