Pick my eyebrow is burning. I'm sitting in the back of dolows vat and listening to jolly music and wilfgang is signing and looking food. Cute kid. Home is where I go now.
what. the. fuck.
worst morning ever. completed my walk of shame home to find my parents, grandma, and priest had come down to surprise me on my birthday. now i'm in the car with them to go get my car from the bar.
new low, shannon just screamed FUCK THE IRISH to a 10 year old's face then proceeded to throw a hotdog at his parents. I think its time i take her home.
can i drink enough to forget this semester even happened?
it only took me 1 hour to write 8 pages. i'm never doing school work without adderall ever again.
They had some plan b on the table between the beer and the guacamole. Yeah, it's gonna be a fun party.
Lesbians. Lesbians everywhere.
The only way I could get him to agree to hook up with her is telling him I'd hook up with him next week.
Sit down my child. It's time you were told of my famous loss-of-virginity story entitled, "The Penis that Never Could."
yeah, you could tell they werent used to the strange things that i say. they were all outright shocked when i told one guy i hoped someone kidnapped him and stretched his dickhole over a fire hydrant
I'm honestly just now recovering from saint Patrick's day.
Anytime he goes down on me i automatically think of you cheering me on. Your a good friend.
I was trying to decide if i was still high whenever i realized i was pressing the buttons on the microwave cause i liked the sound.
And then there was cum in my hair and he was making beans.
It's nice doing the walk of shame at 530 am, the birds are chirping, campus is empty, and it's dark so noone can see who the Fuck you are
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