Facebook lets you pick usernames now. You'd better log on and get yours before homewreckingwhore is taken...
I'll never ask another girl to get on top again, that girl from the bar last night got on top and shit diareah all over my ball sack while she was cumming.
i forgot i changed ur name in my phone to "the situation" so when u texted me i got really excited for a hot second
i thought we decided on me being "the altercation" instead
sorry I didn't call you. I had your number saved as "girl that offered bj but didn't follow thru".
i lose more brain cells when ever she opens her mouth then i would doing meth for 8 years of my life.
Today's lesson: while in the shower, one should choose between either drinking OR shaving. Not both.
She tried to cook Velveeta IN the oven on clean mode.
Tough to be a good wingman when you puke on yourself and everyone w/in a 5 ft radius at the FIRST bar we go to so don't tell me to step my game up
i sent you a picture of beads you send me a picture of boobs how hard is this to understand
Jameson and I invented street rugby last night. Yeah
I was laying there trying to sleep and then he sat up, took out his dick, and put it on my shoulder. It wasn't even hard- it was just casually perched.
And to add, there was a fat guy right next to me who, when the girls would shake their butts, he would let out a shrill xena warrior princess cheer
Haha he puts me in a mood mix of annoyed and... "just get in my pants"
It was easier that asking where the vagina platter is.
She dated an Australian guy or some dude with an accent. Normal guys don't stand a chance.
CHALLENGE ACCEPTED.
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