I'm like connect-the-dots of drunk. Whiskey, bourbon, vodka, rum, gin. The hidden picture is me faceplanting.
His drunk text included an attempt at quoting a Nyquil bottle in MLA format
You were rubbing sand all over yourself and everyone else and claiming you were "EXFOLIATING."
I have your car and your sandals. My shoes are somewhere under the puke couch. Safari time.
2000 dollars has been put in for bail money. Also we're signing contracts
Just had a tranny complement my outfit. Looks like I'll have to change before we go out.
We could be hammered at a childrens film. You failed me
I waxed the left side of it and was in too much pain to do the right side so my crotch looks like cruella devil
Dear awkwardly drunk roommate, thanks for stuffing enough change in my clevage that I could afford a pepsi at work today. Sincerely awesome roommate that put up with your drunk ass
Sometimes I just want to serenade his penis with cheesy 80s songs.
Christopher Columbus didn't sail the ocean blue so I would have to go to class and not have sex with my boyfriend
I can't go to the bars anymore. She wanted to see me again and I drunkenly told her I was moving today. If she spots me I'm fucked.
Not to play devil's advocate, but, considering how our species has evolved so far... I'm kinda rooting for the sun on the whole heat death thing.
He nicknamed his dick "the fountain of youth" I think it's time to move on...
My brain is a dvd screensaver and I'm allowed to have a good thought when it hits the corner
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