dear santa what can i do with your candy cane?
tweet Hawks Win!! tweet
That's how twitter works, right?
Big sunglasses are the new paper bag
ya. and they're way easier to confince girls to wear during sex
my clit piercing makes the metal detector go off
So guy #2, the dancer, is programmed into my phone under the name H.uy. His number- 11 digits. I should have stopped drinking.
My new years resolution is to be alive new years morning
We turned everything surrounding BP and the oil leak into a "that's what she said" drinking game. We've been drunk for a month
I fell asleep to the sounds of them banging in the next room. It was oddly soothing...
We were laying in the basement dry humping to the rhythm of the washing machine
What can I say? I like my food like I like my women, not entirely fucked by our contemporary world.
My concierge just asked me to his place for dinner while I was signing for a delivery. The delivery was a box of vibrators. Let's discuss.
Dude too much vodka. I think I just puked up my heart
That's what you get for taking that guy home. The god of sluttiness is frowning upon you.
I haven't filled him in on Operation "find a sugar daddy & suck dick for money" yet, but I'm sure he just wants me to be happy.
You now have the mental image of me flying off into the sunset with no pants
Should we make a shared Google doc list of places we want to fuck? Like a scavenger hunt?
Randomize
