Already got asked if we're dating
"what do u think of parents raising kids to be peeping toms" said guy on bus 2 me
well,he told me "i bet you five bucks that i can right cum on the mirror with my cum" i said alright do it, lets just say he's five bucks richer...
Our hot neighbor just came over and asked for a toilet plunger...not so hot anymore
Dude she was 62...with a boob job. And I'm proud to say I made out with that.
Bring it all. We will have a potluck of drugs. It will be magical.
Nothing like buying a handle and a 36 pack with a baby strapped on.
I've heard awesome things about their margaritas. I also may buy a mustache from party city. Would you do me with a mustache on??! Hahahaha. But, really.
Your friend, the one I told I would brush his teeth with my tongue, what's his name again?
The least you could do is send me some gibberish so I know you're alive.
Fuhga
Thank you.
They flooded the bathroom and their version of cleaning it up was to throw our couch cushions on it. That's when I decided to chug tequila and go drunk bowling. So hitting the kid with my ball is really their fault.
I just found (and ate) a chunk of a reese's that fell between my boobs. Problem is that I finished those off 3 days ago in a drunk induced sob session... Has it really been that long since I changed my clothes?!
I was dressed as Waldo and the cops kept saying looks like we fuckin found you
You know something is wrong with your lifestyle when you have to clean easy Mac cheese powder off of your scale
at least it's not cocaine like last time
Dude, running 15 min late.
Let's play a game, you pay for all the drinks I can finish before you get here. Go.
Randomize