So how many shot glasses of coffee grounds make a pot?
He was more tolerable with alcohol in my system. I woke up to him squeezing me and telling me how he wanted to dip me in strawberry jam.
How bad is the voicemail?
You graded my boobs.... C minus. Asshole.
Omg having my Grindr go off at the planned parenthood is just not okay
Dude, I'm pretty sure I slept with my TA's girlfriend
Let the record show that the first hour of my twenty-first was spent shooting tequila ans discussing the emotional integrity of werewolves.
I don't send those kind of pictures unless the recipient has already been up close and personal with it. I don't give previews, but I will provide recaps.
I got drunk by myself and ended up listening to Beethoven in the dark.
I'm gonna guess ur still high cus last night at like 3am my pillows were morphing into cats and I kept trying to pet them
Sorry this is the worst night of your life and that you're being a baby about it.
That went from 0 to lesbian orgy much faster than expected...
I woke up in a bush somewhere in Tucson with a full suit on. Great way to end my birthday.
And on a positive note i found a list that i made in 3rd grade titled "what to do if you want a guy to like you"
He chose me to be his birthday sex..theres a lot of pressure riding on this bang
I’m appalled by how severely I lower my standards when I’m horny & impaired
Randomize
