Is it bad to mix sunny d with vodka if i dont have any real OJ?
I've mixd ketchup with vodka before and called it a bloody mary, so, no.
He didn't know it yet but he was about to go down on me.
I look like a sausage in jean shorts, you should have woken up earlier and approved my outfit.
What the fuck is wrong with your family? Why do you have unfrosted pop tarts.
For sure. Gotta go. Building an igloo.
I tried snowmobiling at 2 am. I broke my glasses. You're right. Things do get out of control.
Ok so last thing I remember was hugging a cop while vomiting
damnit. I just found my cousin on tinder.
He's the first man I've met that knows more about Harry Potter than I do. He shops at Goodwill and has a Game of Thrones cookbook in his apartment. This is my soulmate.
Pretty good. Thinking about getting day drunk and filling out job applications so I don't hate myself as much
At about 2:30 i found you passed out in my closet with your face covered in cheese whiz
Had a very good bday. Have the teeth marks and bruises to prove it
He was like "why do you look so cute today?" and I said "I showered" and he laughed. I wasn't making a joke
if I was a good friend this would be the time that i would remind you that you have a boyfriend
Upon further investigation my nipples are bruised and I have teeth marks all over.
Randomize
