It was like a mary poppins bag, except a sexual mary poppins bag.
McDonalds has hash browns for only a quarter!....how many u want?
All of them
I saw two morbidly obese women get winded after fighting over the last motorized wheelchair at Walmart
These are the moments in life you observe a force greater than us at work
I love Japanese schoolgirls with short skirts riding bikes on windy days.
You're never coming back, are you?
So basically our separate showers turned into one shower, to save water, which turned into a bath, which turned into sex on the bed, which turned into drinking beer in the bed, and thats what the stain is from... bud light. sorry.
Margaritas are 250 calories. Now measuring all food in margaritas
She was our DD the least I could do is have sex with her. Even when drunk I'm still chivalrous.
i was just offered a 40 day sex challenge. prepare for the best 40 days of your life.
oh. my. god. yes.
I have no words
Neither did my mom, when she walked in on me squating with my balls in a cup of hot water.
AND FUCKING MGMT JUST CAME ON. CAN I GO DROWN MYSELF IN LESBIANS OR SOMETHING? IS IT TIME TO LESBIAN
we're fated to lesbian
How many stacks you been grindin gangsta?
omg mom no
It's so blood brotha crip what be good
Now I'm obligated to stay and cuddle with her because the condom broke. Fuck.
Got paid 100 bucks to babysit a kid for five hours while hungover. I slept the whole time and threw up twice. Yes 100 bucks.
No joke. There's a picture of the priest I made out with on my parents' refrigerator.
Just told my mom life fisted my asshole. She looked at me with complete understanding. I'm scared...
Randomize
