Is it necrophilia if we're both dead?
So how was last night?
Let's just say I danced with the devil
Huh?
I'm going to Hell for sure
Flirting with the rich sleazy owner of the club: 1 way ticket to free sushi, drinks, and VIP passes. FUck! im better with older men than i am with babies and dogs
i just assumed he broke up with her because she wasn't a freshman anymore
Just passed an anti-circumcision dude with a sign. Handing-out-bibles guy has been officially one-upped.
we were pretty classy up until the second keg
I just added 'steal mom's xanax' to my to do list for when I go home for Easter.
I only keep her as my best friend so she wont hook up with my ex.
How much more is Amanda Bynes going to rip out our hearts?!?!?
He was like low grade Riff Raff, but I hit it. Twice. His grill popped out the second time.
He gets married Father's Day weekend and I just found out I'm pregnant. What do I do?
i guess i fuck people who own bucket hats so i can't talk shit
MY MOM WALKED IN WHILE I WAS EATING THEM OUT AND STARTED ASKING US ABOUT THE PROJECT RUNWAY EPISODE WE WERE WATCHING EARLIER
Nothin ruins a fine afternoon like shitting ur pants
So we'll go out later for condoms and cake batter... aka grocery shopping for champions.
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