last night I thought his shirt said yale... but this morning it definitely says old navy.
His stupid grin looks like he's mid-ejaculation
Vanilla vodka + chocolate soymilk does NOT equal an epic milkshake.
the pizza man had no reaction when jackie and me opened the door naked, i guess he's used to that shit
I just found out my favorite drunk show, Repo Men, is just reenactments. I can't express through words my disappointment.
Saying we were separated at birth, got on a ship and sailed here via onion barrel from Somalia didn't help our case at all....
Just sit in your kitchen floor until something speaks to you.
He kept waking up periodically throughtout the night to bit my ear and pass back out.
I feel like the other woman.
You ARE the other woman.
I'm going to do lines of vitamin c I cannot be sick for halloween
I don't know what he did to me, but he did it wrong. I think my pelvis is broken. I cant even drive without it hurting. What. The. Fuck.
after all you did bang a few mechanics. you must have got some second hand skills by now for building us a go kart.
Well I don't think you can suck his dick while he's making pizza. I think that goes against some health codes.
You said you were going to start drinking less. Drinking 25 small airplane bottle shots do not count.
I’m sorry my lady boner messed up your mojo!!
Randomize
