david just texted me. reply with photo of genitalia? y/n
you started whispering 'the itsy bitsy spider' while you were putting your hands up my shorts.
Life after highschool has not been kind to her. She looked fatter than Luke Wilson's face in those AT&T commercials.
Drunk in a canoe getting pulled by a lawnmower thinking of you
Sorry I dragged you across a parking lot
I don't care how drunk you were. Sending me a pic of your dick dressed as Uncle Sam with the caption "I want you" isn't an acceptable pick up line.
I'm convinced that college is the only place where one can have an existential crisis over what sweatpants to wear
Just sayin. I pissed on his couch, and ruined his stove. If he's not mad, we're partying there every weekend...
please, i've had weekends with less dignity than this.
Nothing says "future AA member" like bonging 40's out of a plastic flamingo.
Your poor dick will look at you and scowl for all the abuse he's going to take this week.
You start to question your party girl tendencies when you're wearing the same shirt you wore the night before to work and you're trying to get last nights Jell-O shot off the sleeve on your way to work
I think he thought I was too drunk to handle his parrot
I did a line off of, and then danced on top of a table older than this country.
Harvard is great.
Remeber when we went camping and fucked those two guys? Yeah me either but I'm covered in poison oak so I'm guessing it's from that.
Randomize
