Im doing kagels to the beat of Christmas music... "Jingle Bells" is hard. Try it.
Today in class was pretty awsome. I dont feel like i have to throw up and im actually paying attention. This is a first for friday
you called me and cried until i agreed to record a rap about our lives with you
In case you come back to the room and i'm not here, yes there's a cup filled with gravy in the microwave. Just take it out if you need to heat something.
I was pretending that it wasn't happening. Until we had to roll down the windows as she was vomiting apologies into a Target bag.
When are you not under some influence?
Since last Tuesday...yesterday.
all i remember of last night is that i was drinking jameson and then NOTHING i do remember walking a dog though\nwhich is sooo fucking weird
OH MY GOD ITS COMING BACK I PUT THE DOG IN THE HOTTUB TOO
i know. like I have the nerve to talk about poverty. I eat peanut butter out of the jar.
I might have snap chatted him. So here's what I need you to do. Find him. Abduct him. Get his phone. View the chat so he can't. Then, buy him ice cream. He deserves ice cream.
I had her buy me a cock ring, so we might test that out. We are presently playing yahtzee.
Cock rings and yahtzee. Like peanut butter and jelly.
On one hand it was kinda weird his girlfriends stuff was at his apartment. On the other hand it was kinda nice because she had great shampoo
Ur wingman ability is causing serious doubt
Ok first off its WAY easier if you are actually here
If I had a dick, I'd stick it in some Oreo pancakes
You invented a drink at the bar and named it Boner Soup. It was like an even trashier version of a long island iced tea
well considering the guy who just delivered my cookies had to console me as i had a mental breakdown in front of him i'd say i'm 4/10 right now, thank you
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