who knew "i drink your milkshake" would work as a pickup line
got so drunk i was kicked out of my own birthday party and tried taking a bottle of vodka with me
He said that he didn't know what level the sun was on, and then he puked.
Guess which fraternity was just playing car to car frisbee in the McDonald's drive thru! Did you guess mine?
That birthday blow job you ordered came in the mail today. I suggest you hurry home.
I smell like lime and condoms and I really want a waffle. Fuk
Our sibling relationship has really blossomed into a wonderful mutual acceptance of sluttyness
Okay, so when I go to meet your grandma, let's do a quick cum check to we don't have another "what's that on your face?" situation.
I might have been the first person in 2015 to throw up on a yellow cab before climbing in it.
I'm happy I peed in your laundry basket last night
I'm supposed to be at work in 10 min, I just woke up and am 45 min away...tinder for the win
Of all of my friend's husbands, I like when yours hits on me best
Awe that means so much to us
Wandering around the streets of Baltimore at two in the afternoon. Just offered a job as a stripper. Think I should accept?
Try an internship first, see if you enjoy it.
I just tried to lit a bowl with my chapstick.
Thanks for driving us home last night. Also, blanket apology for anything I may have said/done. I blacked out sometime near the t-shirt cape incident
Randomize
