and then he said that the only reasonable explanation as to why I got swine flu was because all I ever do is join the bandwagon
So.. My internet got red-flagged at work because i did a search on "midigit strippers las vegas" This may be hard to explain...
everyday i am more and more thankful i can still check the no box for "have you ever been convicted of a felony?" on applications
I got spanked with a cardboard tube. Apparently he used to be a percussionist. Who favored marching band tunes. It was weird.
i woke up to the sound of my roommate climbing onto my desk mumbling that she was going to bed
U should just post that picture of u two on facebook with the caption, does anyone know this girl? If so please tell her to take plan b, thanks
So I just did the math and everything in this room except the computer and my clothes has been in my vagina
It is. We should just be drunk all the time forever everything is like just 90% more perfect
IS SOBER OCTOBER A THING?? WTF WHO ARE THESE PEOPLE?
Doors open. I'm laying in bed watching caddy shack and drinking a vodka tonic.
And I'm out of vodka so bring vodka or 2013 will blow ass
It is not a successful senior year unless you show up to campus without pants at least once, right?
And all i could do was bury the part of me that felt guilty for cradle robbing and put on my dick swallowing bib.
I remember walking into a bathroom stall that had a couple fucking in it and giving them a condom and a thumbs up and then leaving
What color nail polish screams, "Either fuck me or get the hell out of my way"?
You were in the back of the cop car and told the cop to ask me if I got laid. Youre a dedicated wingman.
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