the only difference between me and a prostitute was that i complained a lot more.
I can only be a whore so many days outta the week.
Samesies
Just heard Miley Cyrus' version of "Every Rose Has Its Thorn". Fuck everything. If you don't have an std you have no right to remake this song
my favorite part of the night was when I was in the bathroom frantically trying to get my cat whiskers and nose off to make hooking up less awkward
But life isn't just all about getting drunk & eating chicken strips.
That one dude should feel honored if he were to get herpes from you. Fuck that Guy. He is a herpe.
You ran down the alley towards a stranger screaming "you took my beer".... Then proceeded to run into a garage, fall down, and scream about how your shirt makes you look fat.
We helped him hit the bowl to the point that he didn't even have to move
My legs feel like baby dolphins
So I have been told that I licked your eyebrows last night
Honestly I really just want to do you in the mail truck. Thought about it a lot today
I tried to feed the cat bread. I told her it was the body of Christ. That seemed to work.
You don't have a cat...
Let's take a shot for every time we've said "I don't want to get that drunk tonight"
Pornhub is actually a very wholesome website
Yelled "don't taze me bro" as the police officer tazed me. Cross it off the list.
Randomize
