after drinking 6 jumbo margaritas he then proceeded to tell the entire restaurant that he was going to "bust a load in me" when we got home....how do you think the rest of my night went?
I feel uncockblockable...banged her in the bathroom with my iv still in
she said we were using the spray butter as air freshener
all i care about is the story behind my toaster ending up in the microwave
My ex best friend's ex fuck buddy is visiting. There was no other option but day drinking.
Well you tried to pay for a drink with your keys for one...
Also, I found out that my dad has the name of every boy that I've ever dated and their physical description, car type and tag number stored in his computer.
Apparently Angela went missing once and he says he learned were to look first and that it's best to have information on hand.
I was about to share my drunken story from the weekend, but two friends getting married and one finding out she's pregnant makes Saturday in jail look a little suspect.
Nothing quite like the "I had sex you a month ago and now we're stopped at the same 4 way" wave
Had weird bad dreams about you last night. Please tell me you didn't google my real surname and that you don't go to a needle exchange.
Can you send me a picture of your dog? I might need to borrow him so I can wear a speedo to a pool party on Friday
I just started talking about how noodles were so good
Ya apperently its not "appropriate" to fuck in the school auditorium
WINE AND FILM. TALK ABOUT AN UPGRADE FROM NETFLIX AND CHILL.
can i get licensed in dentistry online like a priest
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