That girl would be way hotter if she changed her face.
Do you want the good news or bad news first?
bad news
The bad news is i thew up on your bed, the good news is i found out who ate your cheetos.
I did something last night that I shouldn't have, but I don't want to tell you because you'll probably just make it your fb status...
I see you've learned your lesson.
There's a skateboard on the patio and all the chips are gone. The note on the fridge says 'don't buy cheese'. Stop letting her go outside.
she just blew up the empty bag of wine and used it as a floatation device.
you took the tequila shot and then procceded to eat the lime..we told you to spit it out but you just straight face kept chomping
You woke up, laughed, proceeded to throw up on me and then passed out again.
I just looked at your pics on Facebook....there was cake? Where the fuck was I!?
I like to imagine god has to get plastered to deal with the fact that he made you and me
I just ate cream cheese straight for my dog
I'm afraid to ask what that means
I mean it could have been worse, I could have been sober.
It's hard not to feel like a terrible person with bruises on your tits.
I went to bed early to get up and have a cup of coffee and watch a Sunday sunrise; and again you come home with no shirt and more stamps than my passport. Get the fuck up now, you are taking an Uber to waffle house. The order is in you name.
What conversation warrents "penis" in rainbow comic sans
He just canceled. I got an amazing new dress and now he’s decided he’s spending the weekend with his family
In other news, there’s some rando in an expensive hotel bar who is going to get very lucky tonight because I love the way this dress makes my tits look. Want to help me find him?
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