Sex tip #67: Jizz in the eye is very near the equivalent to pepper spray. Not recommended for pleasure enhancement.
Everytime I think about NYE, my gag reflex kicks in.
Would it be a dick move to report the suite next-door for a noise violation? They're singing Bad Romance off-key and I'm not sure if I can allow that.
talk of her extensive whoreness has crossed oceans. thats impressive.
I feel like our low point of the night was when we had to start chasing with ice cubes and wheat thins.
Gonna open a taco bell in colorado. Millions bro.
So do you want to hear how I got the hickey first, or how I got the black eye?
It's fine. I wouldn't trust either of them to be my workplace drug buddy.
Security deposit gone.
burned down garage with fireworks.
all I got out of honors convocation is I've hooked up with a lot of smart guys
I don't think I've ever had this many people offer me blow before. 3 o'clock on a Thursday. I keep good company.
honestly the most stressful part of moving is the chance my mom will find my vibrator
Finally finished unpacking shit from school n found a bra with no idea whose it is... I miss college so much it hurts sometimes
The lady at the front desk wished you a happy hangover.
You had all day to plan ahead & get mixers, so whose fault is this sobriety?
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