theyre doing shots to celebrate her boob jobs anniversary.
You told me you were pretty sure you were god because you knew everything about everyone.
while being fingered today, I was told I have an abnormally deep g-spot. Now you know, I am a size queen because of SCIENCE.
when a girl feels in her heart, the way she feels in her vagina, anything is possible.
i screwed him while his gf was puking in the shower. 2011 is looking up already
Can we get blazed at 9:06 on sunday and reenact the moment of my birth?
I get to be your mom.
The last thing I remember is ordering two Martinis while yelling 'CAN YOU PUT THAT IN ONE GLASS?'
Better than road-head. Just got model-home-head. Also got a disapproving scowl of judgment from the realtor on the way out.
The compounded multi day delayed hangover hit me hard today, with a vengeance normally reserved for large objects that go in my ass. I don't feel good.
....she made me stop for like 3 minutes so she could talk to her cat....
I mean in all honesty I would let James Franco shit on my chest. End of story
YO CONGRATULATIONS ON YOUR MÉNAGE À TROIS. YOU GO, GLENN COCO
You started yelling about vegans ruining the world. Because we drove past some cows eating grass.
totally just bought a bottle of gin with nothing but change
don't ever let anyone tell you that youre not 100% class
he offered to let me fuck his brother , of course im marrying him
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