I'm still reeling over the fact that you beat us all at Risk while you were flat on your ass drunk and falling asleep on South America.
I've decided I'm just gonna keep drinking til the baby bump shows...
no. you're not making a beach trip out of my abortion.
You're a disgrace to the female race and the love triangle and halloween.
No more drinking with Em. She was on the ground so much she looked like she belongs in a lifealert commercial
Idk tell her to wear something sluttty. I have that one skirt I got arrested in if she wants to borrow?
Jake bring pizza.
JAKE BRING PIZZA.
To the person who put the glitter on my ceiling fan...fuck you
And by pregame I mean drink heavily and watch Russian dash cam car crash vids
What's his name?? He crossfits 6 times a week, works in finance & is into the occasional felony class drug. His name is irrelevant in order to know if I wanna bone him again.
I wore home his HoHoHo boxers. I've never felt such a connection to an article of clothing.
I dont' remember leaving St. Cloud, getting home, or apparently directing traffic in the middle of the fucking street while black out drunk.
You seemed underwhelmed by my smooth, smooth ass
Observations from Vegas: #1. Strippers pasties pose a choking hazard. #2. Best. Heimlich. Ever.
Why do all my exes just become Tom Hanks in Castaway?
That's a fantastic question. And an odd set of criteria to meet if wanting to date you.
Randomize
