So im using the back of a keystone box as notecard for my presentation
he just spelled fiance, "pheancie". I dont think he's ready to get married.
right. well i dont plan on getting laid till i find a respectable girl that i can make unrespectable
I was sleeping on the bathroom floor and thought a wet towel might keep me warm.
Absolute soulmates or functional alcoholics?
Can't be the first without the last
He is currently pregaming mini golf. MINI GOLF.
My old dealer would be proud of the drug cocktail I just took for my back pain.
You threw up in your own shoe then wore it home
I should not be allowed to reproduce. The world doesn't need my sarcastic asshole demon spawn in child form
I think putting on real pants was half my issue with today
We are no longer allowed to make spur of the moment decisions about our love lives
ABSOLUTELY NOT
At one point of the night i was standing at the bar and 3 of them had their hands down my pants, they were like thumb wrestling for it.
This is like the fourth time this month I've woken up hungover in someone's backyard
Listen, you can either give me drugs or an orgasm. You decide.
You know when you're a kid and you play at the pool until you passed out? It was like that except instead of playing it was sex.
Randomize
