remember that time that crown gas station wouldn't sell us a lighter so we had to use matches and birthday candles to smoke with a toilet paper roll? sometimes i miss high school
Can I have the boy from 16 and pregnant's next baby???
just had amazing sex with a girl I got caught with in second grade playing doctor. her examination is finallllly over
Now go wash the fat girl off your hands.
Unintentionally made him cum in his own mouth, and he just sat there screaming..
I think the main reason you were throwing up so much was the quart of soap you chugged trying to burp bubbles. you came close
Thanks for buying me a sippy cup, its so pretty and everyone keeps telling me its probably the best gift anyone could have given me
Found my wallet. It was under my dresser with a note that said "good job you found me". Drunk me is an ass.
I took a hang over nap infront of the door to my 9am class
I just don't fit in here. The other wives are ten years older and have kids!
Well, you chose trophy wife of a 35 year old over college. Sit in your suburban soup and stew.
I just dumped bong water and Bacardi out of my purse into the trash can. Everything in my purse is soaked. I hate Sundays.
If throwing a bottle across the bar, hitting a skank in the head and not getting caught was an Olympic event, you'd bring merica the gold every time
I tried to be mean but not so mean that he won't bone me next weekend
He can't say no, it's my spiritual goddamn quest.
She called a 10 year old handsome and we gave her a look that was equal parts confused and “what the hell is wrong with you”
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