party started at 10. cops are coming to shut us down now and its 11. i already lostmy underwear and im wearing a sparkly thong on my haed. this has to be some kinda record.
would you consider him our boss?
technically yes
then technically i slept with our boss
I need a leather bustier to keep them in.
Too kinky for 11:30am. Stop that.
instead of telling him i dont hook up with closet frat guys, i gave him his "straight' fraternity brothers number... pike house will be interesting tonight
We've made a drinking game out of how many times the tornado sirens go off. We're good at tornado safety.
She insisted on fucking on the futon mattress on the floor, answered the phone call from her boyfriend who was on his way to pick her up, and then had the audacity to ask if I was clean
In their defense you were hugging a watermelon for a good portion of the trip
The bouncer at this strip club is my new best friend. He is also very persuasive. He got me to strip onstage for a t shirt. It's a nice shirt.
What ever happened to the whole 'innocent until proven guilty' thing. Like 'not pregnant until proven pregnant'. That's how it should be...
Jesus told me in my dream not to go to the party. I am athiest for tonight PARTY ON
Theres either a bag of coke in my pocket or a bag of anthrax, either way last night got way to serious
I'm thinking blowjobs and wheelchair sex should be part of any post-injury wellness plan.
I started crying then my dog licked his dick so yeah.. Kind of ruined the moment.
Remember that girl that we found passed out in the dorm study room under a pile of money and jimmy johns wrappers? She's standing right on front of me.
we received free cupcakes at the first bar, and then I at the second bar i hooked up with a fat chick from Cincinnati on the patio.
you win some, you lose some.
Randomize
