i can hardly tell the difference between falling asleep and passing out anymore
sarcasm needs its own font
i think it was just a coincidence but she literally vomited the second she saw my penis.
Legit screaming match in this bar over the differences between cupcakes and muffins.
all i remember is that her bootyshorts said 'shameless' and that there was no turning back.
Old lady caught me peeing in the street and yelled at me and said "I REBUKE YOU"
You misunderstood me....i wasnt asking and it is not negotiable
You're making this sound more like a hostage situation than a booty call.
I was giving a campus tour, when a drunk senior came up behind me and shouted at the group, "If Jesus ain't your homeboy - get the fuck off this campus!" Looks like his religion course is paying off...
Fair enough. Everyone has some guilty pleasures. Yours is yourself
I think that's the first time I had "ass rimming" scroll across my phone at work
he rolled over in the morning and told me happy valentines day. i don't even know his first name.
I noticed it at one point and thought do I really wanna bang the guy with the phone holster .....of course I do
We will just distract him with tacos and porn.
How I know I've been single too long: I'm reveling in finding out my taken friends are being tragically dumped
All I remember is being in the middle of the road puking and my bestfriend cheering me on from the passenger seat...
Randomize
