I just wiped my vajayjay with snow. Bad idea.
Alone. In an inflatable pool. Drinking vodka and raspberry lemonade. I don't need approval as much as I need to know you love me still.
There is a clear recurring theme of me having sex in restrooms that really needs to stops
I need someone to get my backpack from the bar before class tomorrow. I have to give my students their papers back.
We can't bring brittanys dog so we are getting high and getting in my bathtub I think it's pretty safe
Dude, had to, it's Canada Day, I fucked her for Canada. Seriously, I put my Canadian flag on my bed and fucked her on it.
I'm sneaking you alcohol into a hospital. This either says love or "we have a problem"
I DON'T CARE LET'S GET DRUNK AND GO. I STRAIGHTENED MY HAIR DO THIS FOR ME.
All I wanted was a hug. You dirty, dirty whore.
Its not that hard, just find a girl reading 50 shades of grey and point her my way
I found your doppelganger. same hair, eyes, personality, catch phrases, and penis. it was mind-boggeling.
He's mad about lube? You know what, don't even. I'm not in the proper mindset to discuss lube.
We should have a mid-burrito sex-break, too. Just so we don't get too full all at once
Good point.
I'm at the store buying a new phone cause I pissed all over mine last night. Drunk me is expensive as shit.
IM HAMMERED AND JUST HAD CHEESECAKE THAT MADE ME FEEL LIKE NO MAN HAS EVER MADE BE FEEL BEFORE.
Randomize
