If I was on drugs, this would be amazing
Eating a girl out that was just in the ocean does not make her taste like saltwater taffy
walked right past julianne moore (on her walk of shame this morning) god i love new york. :)
your ability to fuck hot guys even when you go out in sweats amazes me
He told me all about his plan for proposing to his girlfriend as pillow talk.
Bathrooms are cool, I think Im just gonna hang out here for a bit.
bark. im thoroughly looking forward to kegs and eggs. next weekend should be pancakes and pinnical, then cereal and seagrams and then whiskey and waffles.
You know our reunion in two weeks shall be a drunken bikini clad magical adventure right
Could have had sex with an ex NFL kicker last night.
That would've been embarrassing.
Some lady just walked up to me in the bar and proclaimed that I looked like a "shady motherfucker." Can't argue with that one.
It's midsummers eve. A.k.a. come over so we can get drunk and wear leaf crowns
But now he's gone and I'm exhausted and my vagina is yelling at me and I want a cheeseburger
Getting a blow job while breaking up with my gf helps cope with the pain... Kinda weird her best friend is giving me the BJ
I hope April is a better month for dicks. March has been very disappointing.
I literally just told you I found out I masturbate in my sleep. I think we can be snapchat friends again
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