Would it be horrible to send my ex's girlfriend an email telling her that I sexed her man up so dirty that he fell asleep inside of me afterwards?
so explain again why im purple
no
Just saw a midget shotgun a coors light
I have all these new brothers and sisters I'm just now finding out about
she found me naked passed out on the toilet and i just kept repeating "i'm like elvis, but not dead."
All he was doing was sitting in the car, staring. We asked him what was wrong and he just turned, smiled, and said "everything has its own pair of boots"
Eliza got arrested. What's the protocol on eating an arrested person's sandwich?
Judging by the hole in the wall by the door, the mis-matched shoes by the door, and the door hanging off one hinge... i'd say he's on the loose.
She kept sniffing my sweater and tried to guess what type of detergent I use.
In her drunkenness, she packed a bag with tequila, two shot glasses, salt, a knife, and two pears. She was prepared but too high to distinguish pears from limes.
I agree though, his intact virginity is truly the tragedy of the century.
I think I need a restraining order. I had 15 "selfies" of him on my camera roll......my phone has a lock code on it.
no body wants to do anything today cause it's too cold, but a guy can only masturbate so many times a day. Ya know
His mom said he was in the ER and asked for prayers and positive thoughts. Apparently, me wishing the clap on him is not what she had in mind.
DONT YOU DARE YELL AT ME. YOU'RE THE ONE WHO TRIED TO PAY FOR THE CAB WITH YOUR PANERA REWARDS CARD.
Randomize
