well if you came here i would keep you awake :*
did you just kiss me??? ... dude, im not gay
She has a t-rex face on a stuart little body.
GUESS WHAT I JUST LICKED
I feel like half our conversations start this way.
im trying to pick out the cookie crumbs from my adderall. it is a lot harder than it seems.
Definitely saw about 20 people at my final that were never present before. It's like seeing who's gonna be serving me fries in 4 years.
The sign in front of ihop says "designated drivers get half off their order"
they named it eva bongoria. i had to hit it based on the name alone.
Off topic, but is it sad that Matthew and I are calculating how much sex we need to have in order to work off a taco bell burrito?
On our way there. Drinking my beer out of a coffee pot. Cuz it's my bday
He left his phone. Turns out he;s been sexting with some girls who can't spell. Time to break out the herpes scare.
So we broke my sobriety. Played life size childhood games. Broke into a cold hot tub and got laid. I think this is BFF quality!
So many weird people in this class. I can practically taste their unwanted virginities. They taste bad.
I am passing the whore torch on to you my friend. Do me proud
The date did not go well. Turns out I once set her brother on fire.
It’s official. I’ve hooked up with all three brothers now
You should go after Dad now
I should! He’s definitely middle age fuckable
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