I have to look really hot tonight because my personality is going to suck.
i dont know why he would complain when i touch him there.
This soccer player girl is eating this banana WAY to slow. Too early for penis shaped foods.
You were yelling at the bowl of salad and telling it to quit taunting you and telling you to go to tacobell
Had a drag queen carry me to the car. So I'm told...
She sat on the stairs and yelled sex positions at us. I don't remember if we went along with it but judging by the beer and condoms I'm thinking yes.
Big girls don't cry they get day drunk
There was a time I was reining queen of Sunday funday... And at that same time I also weighed 20 pounds more, had the morale of a spearmint rhino stripper, and woke up most mornings asking more questions than fucking Barbara Walters. I think I just wrote my own epitaph.
the evidence suggests last night I either took a bath in beer or drank 18 beers while in the bath. either one sounds good to me. sad i don't remember it
My sobriety has gotten out of control. I think I need an intervention.
Do you ever get high and look at your cat and feel like you know them on an intellectual level?
So is the trick to long distance communication to be drunk during phone conversations?
That isn't the worst part. It got a bazillion times more awkward when he read me a poem he wrote about his dead cat.
You informed me your place was now a nudist colony and unless I was there to drink schnapps with the cat I had to strip.
I feel a blackout coming on
Plz don't have me burst into your house saying you're late for re airport to rescue you from a fat girl again
That was 2 times
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