The maid of honor just puked.
You are the one person I know will appreciate this- and I'm aware that its nearly 5 am- but I have 3 words... G spot orgasm. BE JEALOUS
i don't know what kind of porn he watches.. but that is NOT how you do it...
you looked like a weeble wobble. everytime we thought you were going to fall you bounced back up...you're an amazing drunk
Do you ever look at a vegetable and think "that would be awesome to shove up my vagina"?
my mom just texted me to let me know that Hooters is hiring
i wish my mom had big dreams like that for me
I love how all these freshman girls think that they can wear what they wore last summer... freshman 15 at its skankiest
dont worry about it. i always have emergency bong water with me
I sang again at the bar lastnight I don't think alanis morrset knew when she wrote you outta know that the drunk version was going to be go fuck yourself Josh and Chelsea. I love $2 wells.
When we picked him up this morning the cop said that if they actually arrested every drunk American who pissed on cathedral doors, Spain wouldn't have any room for real prisoners.
I whipped my shit out and she just stared at it with a mean face. It was like a face off in a heavyweight boxing fight.
I don't believe in coincidence. I believe in the stars aligning perfectly to sodomise me in public. Who ever said I was cynical?
I had a flashback of using my sock as a napkin after we got taco bell
New discovery: your vibrator works on my balls. Technology is wonderful I love the future
I have a sixth sense for large penises and lack of morals
Randomize