Big sunglasses are the new paper bag
ya. and they're way easier to confince girls to wear during sex
He waited exactly 18 minutes to booty call me after his break up.
Don't use the things I tell you while drunk after the bruins won the cup against me
I have bruises everywhere. I think I took "the drinks are strong" as more of a challenge than a warning.
I want everyone to love me, and THEN I will choose who gets to eat me out all the time.
Nothing says thanksgiving like acid flashbacks
Want to get drunk and look at an xray of my dick?
I ripped my favorite jeans crossing that fence
That sucks
It's an upgrade! I didn;t even have to unzip my pants to pee!
I literally paid cover, got kicked out. Tried to explain that I was just clumsy, but mispronounced it. Then I got pissed off, stormed out..and clotheslined myself on a velvet rope. How was your night?
we got cupcakes after we fucked. gives a whole new meaning to sugar daddy
I appreciate the fact that you sent me a snapchat of your dick soaking in a cup of water.
I would wear his ballsack as a hat if he asked me to
She came out of the bathroom listening to her iPod and crying. Then she started scream 'she will be loved'. She seems to be handling the break up well lol
Is it possible for mice to climb? If so I think mice are climbing into my bed in the night and playing with my hair..
He grabbed a pine cone off the ground and yelled "I love cigars" then tried to smoke it for ten minutes.
Randomize
