he also called and said i only cheated on you 8 times but they were all trannies
and someone in the background yelling "one was fat so that counts as one and a half"
It's an Italian thing I guess, grew up on that shit.
I'm Irish, we don't eat cow guts unless they're blended into a fine whiskey
woke up in my one night stand's bed and barfed all over her floor. she came back from the bathroom, looked at the vomit, looked at me and said "normally i'd tell you to clean it and get the fuck out, but i remember the sex was good, so i'll let it go." Score.
It's Monday. What a great day to start the weekend on the week of st. Patricks day
yea, the bartender wouldn't serve you because you kept asking for "a slice of beer"
I just need you there to slap my dick when im flirting with her
i'm not the one sitting naked in my room playing with my boobs and a cat.
Showed up 2 hours late and still drunk nobody gave me a high five. This intership is bullshit.
It's either my own vomit or popcorn butter in my ear right now. Banking on the second one.
We made popcorn last night. So it's both
Putting Chia seeds in beer makes it ok for my diet, right?
I also made him write a nonfiction romance novel about what happened and to give it to me when the time was right
I made out with a guy who was dressed as Borat
And like a minute in, I was like oh fuck what am I doing
Did you run away?
I DANCED AWAY.
So you called me the queen of nudes yesterday and I'm still not sure how I feel about it
Fine I'll cuddle you but only for the purpose of trying to survive
I’m making a jello mold of my penis
Will it be as disappointing as your actual penis?
Randomize
