Dude i fell asleep inside of her
thats awesome
well look at the bright side
maybe you can be on an episode of "I Didn't Know I Was Pregnant"
I just put on my hot pinky lace thong... you know what that means! ;)
Oh god. Slutty you is on the run. Someone needs to alert the city.
So I called her out for all the gossip she does and she's like "you do the same, bitch"
So I was like "Im classy like the Countess, youre just a bitch like Kim."
Kudos on the Interstate Housewife metaphor.
Dude squirt doesnt even begin to describe it i thought she was the lost portal to atlantis with how much she let out
Wrestling for my wallet turned into us almost having sex in the middle of the hallway
I've realized that I'm going to have to wake and bake every morning to make it through the summer without killing someone. This is ridiculous.
I have not brushed my hair. I'm wearing a yoga hoodie. I look like I slept in a gutter somewhere. Today is going to be a good day.
He was feeling me up but acting like he was asleep. Like WTF does that mean??
You sluts I'm so proud of you. You're both wearing underwear.
He has fairy lights round his bed.. And played Jamie cullum when we had sex... Hes batting for the other team right?
I'm going to force her to break up with me this week. Tonight I plan to shit the bed. If that doesn't work I'm not sure what's next.
Hey, I'm sleeping in your car...lol just knock on the window in the morning
By the way, you totally deserve "i got a job sex".
Listen, she cheated on him first. I've known both of them since we were 12. They have no secrets from me. And yes, as a matter of fact, I absolutely did enjoy screaming out his name into his, soon to be, ex wife's pillow.
Randomize
