I'm getting drunk watching the disney channel. Is this a main reason why we aren't together anymore?
I puked for half an hour, but I went and danced afterwards, and that made me feel better.
You are so irish.
The waiter to-go cupped my bloody mary without me even asking. THAT hungover.
Can't show you right now as we are in public and he refuses to let me photograph his penis in a bar.
Man, i was looking at the pictures i took last night in one i was on the Kentucky line fist pumping with a hobo..wth happened?
Pregaming before going to drink with a girl from Russia. Please make sure I'm not dead in the morning.
Let me put it this way - if I had a list of things I would like between my legs, she would rank below the cello I turned into firewood sophomore year.
I generally just try to vote by which candidate I think has the bigger dick. Sorry Romney.
First of all guys don't have walks of shame. Secondly there is nothing more epic than riding the skytrain in a toga while everyone else is going to work
The drunk fake out is her specialty. She'll agree to come with us and two seconds later we check to make sure she's still there and we see her booking it down the hall in the opposite direction.
Hey, I shot that toilet dead center, drunk, from at least 6 ft away. I'm a fuckin awesome shot. You guys were completely safe.
Yes, that toilet won't be hurting anyone anymore.... Hahaha
Mostly i might never get belligerent again because im gonna have to keep track of a diamond ring.
I just got hit with cramps and found a mystery pill. I'm gonna stay put for an hour and at least see what happens.
Can u pick me up? Lost my keys.
Sure. FYI- you "lost" them on the roof, trying to throw them over the house.
On a scale of 1-10 I’m at biblical violence
Randomize
