just because she blew him doesn't mean she knows his name.
Some fat girl belted her graduation gown. That is not a good look for anyone.
I seriously dont think i have ever ridden a horse sober.
You wouldn't let me clean the puke off your face because I'd mess up your cat whiskers. Now that's dedication.
We are possibly on our way, unless we see the limo full of strippers.
The liquor store manager told us to drink responsible as we checked out and we laughed to his face. Like we're buying karkov at noon, responsibility is out of the question
Dont really know what happened near the end, Pockets were filled with skittles though
Was that you I seen riding on the top of a cab? Way to start the new year
I just threw up again because I opened my eyes... God is laughing. I resorted to taking the Mexican Dramamine because I feel seasick from walking. Not helping.
Now in just stoned listening to my dads philosophical idea about public transit
After last night, I think I need a service animal to monitor the life choices I make when I'm inebriated. A monkey, or a clever dog. Or a really assertive parrot.
dude, last night I won a real sword and a bottle of vodka in a cards against humanity tournament
I told some guy on tinder, that apparently has a prosthetic leg, that I think we started off on the wrong foot. I hate myself...
Getting a UTI was SO NOT on my wishlist for the holidays
I'm currently in a U-Haul truck right now. Going to a party. I hate myself.
just to let you know, that was probably the funniest text i've ever received.
I suppose that kind of helps fill the void where my self respect used to be.
Randomize
