What do they do with the elephants that die at the zoo
Cremation, why do you ask?
I think we have a bit of a problem
So I said to her: one time i broke my dick and when they took off the cast i could cum across a baseball field
My dog ate my bag of weed. Thats not the easiest call to the vet to make.
Suite mates just came in and said that we have to go to Africa. They're already packed. Didn't know you could get that high.
Guys, right now i need a picture of a squirrel, preferably with one of you guys but not necessary.
I just learned my tits were fire resistant. I should join the freakin circus
Girl, he can't tell you not to take a bump just because you work tomorrow. You're on a wedding diet, remember?
This is going to be the time I got green body paint on Chris' ceiling all over again...
I think my boss gives me work off weekends because he doesn't want me showing up hungover anymore..
I could teach a class on "expressing your thanks through photos taken of yourself in the shower"
I had to write an apology letter to my roomate for hotboxing in our bathroom. What a bitch.
Have you ever had a pregnancy test laugh at you?
My professor just asked for my number. Not fucking her till after finals though I learned my lesson last time.
im so drunk that this cat is mothering me. aggressively
God help them if any millennials are in the vicinity. Rent is too high and we no longer fear death
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