so i woke up this morning thinking _____ was in bed with me. . .but it was only a half eaten sonic burger
Fuck, operation next sex victim is on as soon as i get back. Do not sleep with that red head, nobody likes accidental ginger babies.
He locked about 20 beers in a suitcase and put it in the fridge. For a complete idiot, he's a goddamn genius.
you are my new fav person for making him do the walk of shame in pink footie pajamas!
I went from a chick that didn't like to have sex to one that can't get enough of it. I can't believe I'm going to say this but at 27 I think I need a happy medium
Throwing up while listening to pandora radio. Don't tell me my life doesn't have theme music.
how did he go about obtaining bull sperm?
don't do it for the experience, do it for the story. now get your ass in that bedroom
I plan to get very, very drunk when I get off work.
But doesn't your shift end at like noon?
I don't think you understand.
It wasn't a great time! You grabbed me, picked me up, and make me pee in the sink!
BTW, Julia referred to you as a power bottom. Are you available?
Sorry for prompting a philosophical penis discussion at 10:45 on a Friday night.
As a BFF it is your duty to answer when I drunk call you at 3 in the morning because I couldn't find a knife to cut that cake. I finally found one, fell asleep with it and the cake in bed. K thanks bye.
How does the curb feel today?
It's stronger than my elbow. But I found my lighter while I was down there.
Sorry you saw my balls. Pregame includes a lot of shaving.
Randomize
