I have been thinking about it and I am really glad we decided to order helmets.
I would blow Magic Johnson for a pack of lucky strikes right now. Post-hiv.
Drunken horseback riding is the absolute worst decision i've ever made in my life.
so literally, as soon as i tripped and fell and hit the floor the earthquake started. hows THAT for a self esteem boost?
Before he took off his pants he paused and said, "Remember..sometimes great things come in small packages."
Theres dried jager, barbecue sauce and frie remnants all over my front seat.
My dad just decided to play wingman for me... I dont want to let the family down... but both these girls are hideous
If you bring chipotle to my house i'll let you eat your burrito out of my vagina
Just paid off my possession ticket on 4/20. Helloooo awesome.
It was an "I snuck in through the window at 5am with my underwear in my pocket" kind of night.
1. Why did we have the team Chirstmas party in November 2. Why didn't anyone tell me the coaches were invited 3. Why did coach get the giant vibrator I brought
I'm gonna have to get a lube sherpa.
You planned on giving him head in the shower?
More like I just fell and it seemed like a good idea when I was down there
I'm still very high. To be blunt. No pun intended.
and by running errands I mean eating an entire bag of milanos by myself in the Walmart parking lot
Randomize
