I'm drinking while my friends build sand castles, now I know how my dad used to feel
I'm watching Terminator eating a jar of marshmallow fluff. Trust me, you are not fat.
When he was fingering me, it felt/looked like he was digging around for pocket change.
Come down. You're the next contestant on this bowl.
We were thinking he might be gay. Like how the fuck do you not even make out with a girl that made you a grilled cheese
We're looking for the removeable roof from her Miata. Winner gets a 40.
Just consider it? What else do you have going on today that could be as awesome as a day full of lord of the rings and sex?
If you think for one second that I would forget Mardi Gras, you clearly don't know how much I love boobs.
I'm trying to get fucked by 4 girls here, and you're worried about verb tenses?!
YOU TRIED TO SWIM IN HER FISHTANK. I don't think she's going to call you.
I just thought you should know.... I am fully committed to being a ho this summer
I mean, I've had her boob in my mouth, but is that romance?
Apparently I'm some kind of sexual camel.
You smoked too much and passed out, didn't you?
You know me so well.
No, I told him I was busy again this weekend. Eventually he’ll learn. Plus, absence makes the cock grow harder
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