I wish I could drop acid with the muppets
four days late. damn you, makeup sex. you win again.
she refused to get out of the dog cage till we sang "be our guest" to her.
Also, putting laundry hampers on my head and pretending I'm an astronaut is a good way to get caught in every door frame in the house.
oh my god, just saw a man throw up in a trashcan and blood came out of his nose. HES GETTING ON MY BUS. HES SITTING ACROSS FROM ME. FUCK.
You'll have to pretend I'm texting you with buddychecks.
Like the Jimeny Cricket of cockblocks.
As if right now I am a humanitarian. Full story to come in the morning. It involves sex.
This taxi driver is not happy I am in drag
In my opinion the party was fun, but i did A LOT of cocaine so my view was a little distorted......
I was so hungover at work I had my shirt on backwards. I had no idea how I managed to get through today puke free.
2015 is the year I FINALLY ALMOST had enough dick to satisfy me.
We got drunk, we had raw sex and we discussed about the showrunner change in Doctor Who, in that order.
How does fucking Canada get Justin Good Guy Take Me Now, Just Fuck Me In The House of Commons Trudeau, and our new President looks like he bathes in cheetoh dust and sin?
But what we lack in money, we make up for in dry humor and drugs
we woke up when the front wall of the house caught fire.
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