sometimes when you bring the thunder you get lost in the storm
i keep telling myself in the mirror "get undrunk"
His moose knuckle keeps winkin at me
she quoted hannah montana in her facebook status. i will never be speaking to her in person again.
i lose more brain cells when ever she opens her mouth then i would doing meth for 8 years of my life.
i'm satisfied with the level of pretty that his new girlfriend isn't.
all I remember is repeatedly winking at the fire marshall while he was counting the people in the bar
Well she just peed in a pot and is now trying to boil it
bad sex. bad bad bad. it was like trying to pick up an overcooked noodle with an empty pringles can. why do these guys always seem to find me?
Happy Birthday. May your liver respect you, fat bitches neglect you, hangovers reject you, and AA accept you.
I think this shark week should consist of getting drunk enough to actually go hunt sharks ourselves.
I've just never heard the term serendipitous used to describe having one's asshole licked.
Dude come to her party. Someone just took a body shot of rubbing alcohol
Nobody likes ball hair. Not even gay dudes
I'M IN A SPINNING VORTEX OF SELF-HATRED AND HORNINESS
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