apparently my drunken alterego is a lazyeyed bisexual.
Dude love is like an itch. You fuckin scratch it, then it itches more, then you scratch it and it itches more, and before you know it, there is semen everywhere.
you are insane
He is an equal opportunity slut.
Hawaiian shirts and no dignity
We are always on the same wavelength...kinda eerie.
turns out making maccaroni and cheese with whipped cream instead of butter is only good when your high
Yah, I guess one silver lining is I'd never seen a full water cooler get thrown down a flight of stairs, gotta appreciate the little things
I had not one but two drunk coworkers text me and hit on me tonight. I feel like I've finally been accepted into my dysfunctional workplace
Do to my newly discovered condition I'm having to resort to emergency beat sessions to avoid the temptation to text girls I know are easy slams.
The whorange rubbed off. His white shirt was so gross at the end of the night I told him to frame it.
I just wrote the Drag Queen from Saturday Night on FB and apologized for licking her. Weirdest thing I have ever typed...
Thanks for reminding me of all the hookups my brain has been trying to suppress...
That's what friends are foooooooor!
So my family just woke up on Easter morning and shared a bowl. That's bonding😊
I made him watch the first 5 episodes of Game of Thrones before I decided to sleep with him.
I am downtown smoking a joint with Woody Harrelson...Because our car won't start. I will be there as soon as I can.
well true... there's not a real discreet way to masturbate in public
Randomize
