you were the other women for BOTH people in the relationship?
I think we should see other people.
Already working on it.
you dialed the number "23" then talked to it for three minutes
I'm at a party with that guy you made out with on new years. He remembers your name!
That's cool how's he been?
He got hit in the face with a beer bottle so he has two black eyes and 13 stitches.. He hasnt changed much.
Came to from my blackout with native american warrior facepaint on I'm too old for this shit
The facepaint not the blacking out
Finals drinking + forgeting you had to take your ambien because you work at 6am mid paper= drunk logic which then entails going on a "detox" run. Puking your guts put in the field house bushes while some random guy says to you "its okay. We're marching on."
I didn't know what to say so I just sent him a chicken emoji
Anyone who has court these next few days keep your head up & smile knowing we broke the County Record with 27 underage consumptions
I just hooked up with a one legged Australian guy. Hooray diversity!
Just for once I'd like my first interaction with a new GP to not be an obvious sex injury.
I just ate a handful of salt
I thought this was a good idea
I fear our relationship is coming to an end. Last night I felt the need to bloody apologise for waking him up with a blow job.
stop texting me about your public sex.
says she who narrated getting eaten out in a movie theatre over text to me
If a weird guy texts you in the near future asking if you are satan just go with it
Randomize
