you know how you have to have just the right ratio of chips to sandwich? same goes for pubes.
I wish we were homeless so drinking on the streets was acceptable.
I think it's safe to say me, swords and vodka can never be aloud in the same room again.
I woke up next to her will a oven mit taped to my cock. Dear god, I might have tried to use it as a condom.
She came back in her actual cheerleader uniform. Made a bad bj tolerable.
You broke into someone's house and stole a pan of lasagna.
She was mid-sentence and then BOOM the hammock broke off the tree. I about pissed myself. Hot Sprite and Vodka make the world go round.
Sorry about that whole "setting your deck on fire" thing.
He looks like he got hit by a weed-eater with chlamydia
You did profess your love for cotton multiple times and your hatred for all other fabrics
There's hot sauce all over my mirror, lamp shade and dresser. Also it's your turn for weed
He must have found my secret supply of blow and took a bump before we left the house. Rude.
He could of at least asked
I'm hoping the sedatives kick in before I drunkenly decide to eat this whole cheesecake.
I had a dream that you were telling me how good you are at parkour and legit you were doing it just like Michael Scott...
After I chugged my beer the cop slapped my ass and said "atta girl" this can't be real life.
Randomize
