the cashier at riteaid just made the sign of the cross before he rang up my pregnancy test. now i know god is on my side
I hate to tell you this, but your sister reeks of whore.
Set off the fire alarm in our dorm at 2:30 am last night. 150 Naked people wrapped in towels shared a bag of popcorn with me as we watched the firefighters frantically search for my burnt popcorn in the building.
OMG THAT WAS YOU?!
Did you just buzz the apartment and throw shit at the window? Josh and rob came into my room and woke me up
Fuck you Ian. U owe me $3.65 cuz thasts what I thfrew at ur window trying to wake ur ass up. And fuck u for not giving a shit
I'm also 3/4 on the frats. Its like my goal of traveling to all 7 continents, but different somehow and a lot less morally sound.
sometimes i feel like my only option in life is to be drunk or be a cat. today i am drunk
She passed out on the kitchen table with two mickeys forties duct taped to her hands. Clearly she is going to fit perfectly in your house this semester
You slammed your face into the toilet and declared you were moving your bed into the bathroom in the morning. Also, you insisted on crawling everywhere because feet are "overrated."
My legs r really sober for running now
I don't think that's how sobriety works.
dude, she has my telletubby sweats and my good sweatshirt hostage, I can't risk their safety with a breakup
I just woke up in the closet wearing nothing but a Santa hat.
I had to carry him up the hill while he was wearing nothing but knee high socks and a blue glitter sequin leotard.
Why is this not a picture message?
false alarm, still single
I don't think there's a ladylike way to tell this guy I want to sit on his face
I peed in my closet, which at the time looked like a sparkly bathroom...
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