The next morning she woke up and asked who I was and where she was.
Just saw remains of her puke from last night on my pants.... thats got "Apology BJ" written all over it.
that's the last time we turn jepordy into a drinking game.
Theres a truck parked on the front yard and i just want to take this opportunity to tell you now that it is not my fault.
Clearly I understand physics better when I'm on cocaine
1.) where are you? 2.) you making meatballs? 3.) Meatballs for sex?
Food poisoning on first date... Still rode the mechanical bull like a champ
Almost to work. And still feel hungover. Like my body is trying to regenerate after dying. Full on zombie shit. But like, one of those zombies from warm bodies that comes back to life slowly.
Aren't you proud to know somebody who texts you "manifold facade" while dumping frozen colada mix into a blender of rum
guys I just made $20 cause these random south african guys thought I wasn't wearing any underwear
Idk maybe I'll talk to him once he gets out of jail just to yell at him and get my strawberry ice cream back.
Me saying I wish i was a better person + me pretending I don't want to fuck on my period = me lying
You peed all over his floor and had a bottle popped in your ass when you passed out. Don't tell me I'm "still living in my college days"
There was one thing about my NYC trip I forgot to tell you: I took a dump in Trump Tower
He stood next to me peeing as I was puking behind a car in the parking lot, telling me how much he loved me. On the other hand, he loves me!
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